What is your life’s purpose?
My life’s purpose is to keep opening myself up to deeper levels of connection with myself, the Universe, and divine wisdom so I can teach and inspire others to reveal and release outdated and non-serving beliefs and behaviors, so they can own all of who they are and live in alignment with their deepest truths and grandest desires and dance in delight of liberation and the magic of manifestation.
How are you living your purpose?
My first book, The Integrity Advantage: Step into Your Truth, Love Your Life, and Claim Your Magnificence, was birthed as a result of and is a manual for, how I live and navigate life. Once I realized that being out of integrity with myself whittled away at my self-esteem, joy, and abundance, kept me a prisoner of my past and stuck in my pain, I knew that I could no longer endure being run by outdated, non-serving, limiting beliefs and behaviors.
Understanding that we are all vibrational beings and that every choice, action, and thought diminishes or enhances our vibration, I took on treating myself and my vibration as the most precious thing on earth. Honoring myself, trusting myself, and loving myself became the reference point from which I live my life. To love yourself, you must know yourself and I know the structures that support my highest vibration.
On a daily basis, I work out, eat foods that support me, sleep, pray, and connect with the people I love. I have healthy boundaries and have learned to say no and let go of unhealthy or toxic relationships and situations. I constantly ask myself empowering questions like: “Who do I want to be in this moment?” “What am I supposed to be learning from this situation?” “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself in this moment?” Using these questions, I am always using my life as a teacher instead of feeling used by it and rendering myself the victim of it.
I live my life in service of my gifts and purpose, and my gifts and purpose grow in service to my life.
How did you find your purpose?
As is the case with many people, my pain led me to purpose. Initially, when I first got divorced, I used to say that it was the pain of my divorce that led me to my purpose. Yet I have come to realize that it was my divorce that was the catalyst for my extraordinary life, and that it was the pain of being out of integrity with myself—stepping over my truth, accepting the unacceptable, playing safe and small, and living a life that was driven by what I thought I “should’ do, what others expected, or my need to be perfect—that created my pain.
The instant I took back my power and declared “Enough is enough!” was the defining moment that catapulted me on my path to finding my purpose. I sometimes call this “the intolerance of my mediocrity.” When the ache and gnawing feeling inside of me got so great that it literally sucked the joy out of me, I knew I was meant to live, be, and become so much more. That was my turning point—the voice of my soul waking me up and guiding me to take that U-turn back to myself, which just happened to be the source of my fullest self and greatest life.
What advice do you have for purpose seekers?
Your head cannot take you where your heart wants to go. To find your true purpose, your soul’s desire, you must get out of your mind so you can be in your heart and hear the whisperings of your soul. There is sometimes a difference between your soul and your ego’s purpose. I see this all the time in my work. The ego wants a prestigious job title or monetary and materialistic perks, none of which are wrong but may not ultimately fill your soul. Sometimes your ego and soul’s purpose align and what you are meant to do leads to inner and outer fulfillment.
But in terms of finding your soul’s purpose I see it as a five-step process:
Eliminate – In order to make space to hear the whisperings of your soul and manifest your desires, you need to make space and clear away negative thoughts as well as non-serving situations.
Ask – Humility is often the doorway to divine inspiration. Since “the head can’t take you where the heart wants to go,” ask to be shown and guided.
Align – Identify how you imagine living your purpose would feel and use that feeling as your mile marker. Your purpose will be in alignment with the feelings you most desire.
Act – For any situation to change, it takes action. Sometimes finding your purpose happens serendipitously. Other times it takes preparation, training, or taking certain steps. You must do the doing so you can get to that feeling of being in your purpose.
Allow – The Universe is magical, but often we aren’t open to receiving the magic because of our need to control, be right, or have safety. Once you have done the first four steps, it is time to allow the magic to happen. When we allow, we step into receiving.
What resources do you recommend?
The Shadow Process Workshop – Founded by transformational trailblazer Debbie Ford, The Shadow Process is a weekend workshop that is truly life-changing. After years of therapy, workshops, reading books, and doing all the “things” people do to bring about change, it was this workshop that not only changed my life but also offered lasting transformation.
Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu’s Book of the Way and of Righteousness – It brings you back to the basics!
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert – Her definition of a soulmate radically altered my life. Also watching a woman having the courage to follow her heart, soul, and stomach was inspiring.
Fat Is a Feminist Issue by Suzie Orbach – I read this book when I was in my twenties. It was pivotal in giving me insight into emotional eating and my body issues.
Brené Brown’s Ted Talks – Totally brilliant, smart, and entertaining
Kelley Kosow is a lawyer turned Master Integrative Life Coach, a motivational speaker, as well as CEO and program and workshop leader of The Ford Institute, a personal development organization that has helped tens of thousands worldwide.
She is the author of The Integrity Advantage: Step into Your Truth, Love Your Life, and Claim Your Magnificence is a smart, funny and honest step-by-step guide that will empower you to step out of your outdated stories of lack and limitation so you can create more passionately, love more deeply, live more fully, manifest more abundantly, and realize your fullest potential and grandest self. The book contains the process, tools, and wisdom I have used to set myself and countless others free so they could dance in the delight of authentic aliveness.