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Screen shot 2015-12-29 at 12.12.16 PMYou are the author of A Cougar’s Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There and the host of the KarenLee Poter Show, an Internet program where you discuss dating, sex, love, and more. Why is midlife a great time for single women to date?

Midlife is an amazing time for single women to date. We older women (Cougars) have the wisdom, experience, confidence, and independence that younger women simply don’t possess. I’ve re-defined the term COUGAR to mean a Confident, Older, Unique, Genuine, Assertive & Racy woman. Most older women have figured out what their assets are and can strut their stuff. Sexuality is no longer a mystery to older women who have years of experience with men. We are looking for companionship over a breadwinner/father, which is liberating in itself. Older women aren’t locked into pleasing family members and can date someone who’s of a different age, race, or religion. To learn more, watch my video about dating differences in your 20s and 30s vs. your 40s and 50s.

 

What challenges do these women need to overcome?

Older women have baggage! We need to examine ourselves in terms of past relationships and work on those issues. Everyone can use a little dose of self-awareness. We are constantly fighting the aging process and that can be challenging too. Stretch marks, post pregnancy extra pounds, wrinkles, and hormonal changes are going to give us a run for the money. We need to take care of our bodies and minds through exercise, diet, meditation, and therapy. Wiping out hostility towards men can also present challenges for women who’ve lost trust in former relationships. This is the time to re-evaluate and re-invent yourself, so being able to think positively and throw out negativity is of the utmost importance.

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What questions do you hear most often about midlife relationships?

Where do I meet a  “good” man? Women often try to find a replacement for their last boyfriend or husband who’ll fit into their circle of friends. They end up dating the same type of man that they divorced. I recommend going outside of the box and try dating someone who shares the same values and has great character. He may be of a different race, age, or religion, but give everyone a chance. Don’t act impatient and desperate!

How do I become confident again? Enjoy the gifts that you have and explore the “new you.” Follow the passions that you’ve ignored because of work, marriage, or children.

How can I trust again? After being cheated on or treated poorly, many women find it difficult to trust their gut when seeking out new relationships. I believe we all should pay attention to our intuition and take some risks. You may have just gotten a bad egg the first time. Look for someone who embodies the values that are important this time around.

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What advice do you have for women in midlife who are considering re-entering the dating scene? 

Be the best person you can be physically, mentally, and spiritually. Think only positive thoughts! Men want to be around happy women, so be happy. Find a group of single friends, male or female, and enjoy your time with them. Get the word out that you’re available. Travel alone or with friends. Have fun! Explore your passions. Spend as much time as possible with family and friends. Join charity organizations, political groups, wine clubs, or go to sporting events where you may meet men. Try online dating. Go to restaurants or bars and walk up and introduce yourself to men. Be confident and make dating something that’s not a chore but an opportunity. Pay attention to red flags and stay away from married men. Respect yourself and don’t put up with any bullshit from anyone.

Get this philosophy in your head: You don’t need a man; life alone is fun too. You don’t have to ask permission to spend YOUR money. You can have the remote control to the TV. You can travel when you want. You don’t have to pick up anyone’s dirty socks. You can get a good night’s sleep since nobody’s snoring. You can be free to do what makes you happy. I frequently interview people post divorce and the word I hear most often is FREEDOM.

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What are some favorite resources you can recommend to my readers?

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sexby Nina Hartley (porn star & sex educator)

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel

Younger Next Year for Women: Live Strong, Fit, and Sexy – Until You’re 80 and Beyond by Chris Crowley & Henry S. Lodge, MD

 

Contact KarenLee Poter at karen@karenleepoter.com

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KarenLee Poter currently hosts an Internet talk show, The KarenLee Poter Show, and blogs about dating, sex, love, and everything in-between. Poter created the show after she became a widow and found herself having to navigate the world of being single. On The KarenLee Poter Show, she interviews experts and guests about what it’s really like to be romantically unattached at a later stage in life. No topic is off limits as she shares personal anecdotes and opinions through witty vlogs and comedic shorts about her life as a “Cougar,” which she has redefined as a Confident, Older, Unique, Genuine, Assertive, and Racy woman.

karenpoter (4)Poter also co-hosts a podcast with her 26-year old comedian son, Cam Poter, called Sex Talk With My Mom. In addition, she is an expert in large age gap relationships, as she’s been in a committed relationship for the past 7 years with a man several years her junior. The KarenLee Poter show commands a worldwide audience, receiving over 100,000 views per month, and KarenLee’s writing has been featured on multiple blog sites such as Huffington Post, Your Tango, and Bro Bible. Her popular autobiographical self-help book, “A Cougar’s Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There,” is an inspiring and entertaining look at how to re-enter the dating world. She’s a Chicago-based mother of three and has a Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Illinois.